Sta.sh
Forgive and forget...
Or forever
Regret. . .
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| Literature / Poetry / Human Nature / Free Verse | ©2013 ~MadxRhapsodyx17 |
's Word Prompt: Regret and the 's Theme of the Week: Regret.
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Deviousness `anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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It is certainly a challenge to create power and impact with only six words, but you did quite well. The idea of regret is something everybody can relate to, so your readers will have no trouble connecting to this.
The words themselves are great just the way they are, but I am going to suggest some changes in visual presentation. I find the fact that each line of text is in a different format distracting. Using italic and bold are great ways to emphasize certain parts of writing, but changing it up too often takes away from its power and just makes it look somewhat haphazard. I don't think that with such a short text, it really adds to the piece at all.
I think it would also look and flow nicer if the word "regret" wasn't on its own line. "Forgive and forget" and "forever regret" have the same syllable count, so putting these into two lines instead (with the word "or" as a connector, a beat in between), would create such a nice rhythm when reading, especially since they already rhyme. Two rather than three lines would also give the piece a better sense of visual balance.
To be completely picky, you could even put a comma after "forget" rather than an ellipsis, so that the ellipsis at the end after "regret" is the only one, giving it more ominousness.
As I've said, you've done a very good job with this piece, so my suggestions are really just digging at smaller improvements. Great message, and well done.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write this critique for my six-word story, :: Lonely Consequence ::. I agree with the points you made, although I still liked isolating the word "regret" because it was the prompt for two dA literature groups.
Thank you so much for critiquing!
Thanks for commenting!